Attack of the Rabbits
by henrique14
Summary: This is a story of the ongoing feud between Thomas McGregor (General Hux) and Peter Rabbit.


Hux was just commanding his troops when his McGregor instincts kicked in.

"Rabbits!", he muttered as the star destroyer shaped like his beloved Beas head came to a halt.

"What is the hold up?" said Hux.

"There seems to be a planet in the shape of a carrot obstructing the path," said Captain Canady .

"Rabbits!", he muttered once more, "I want that planet destroyed! Now if you don't mind me, I'm going to test the cleanliness of the toilet in my toy store. Our toilets should be clean as a drinking fountain," and Hux walked off with a straw. After twenty jiffies, he got to his toy store, and he made a beeline to the WC.

"Clean as a whistle," he said when he was done drinking the toilet water. He walked out of the WC and saw Kylo Ren purchasing an action figure and poster with Rey on it.

Hux walked behind him and said, "Kylo Ren, what the heck are you buying"

Kylo Ren flinched and said, "Oh! I'm totally not buying this Rey merchandise for my Rey shrine because I totally hate her and don't love her at all!"

Kylo Ren then threw a handful of coins at the cashier and ran out of the store.

"The Supreme Leader is presumably dating the enemy and that vermin have inhabited a carrot shaped planet. Could this day get any worse?" said Hux. Just then, the general manager of Harrods, June Hagords, came up to Hux.

"Oh, hi Hux. I'm surprised your pathetic toy store hasn't gone out of business yet" said June Hagords.

"My toy store will thrive long enough for me to witness Harrods' downfall," Hux said confidently.

"Oh we'll see about that," she said laughing and walking away. Hux walked back to his command post to see if there's any new information about the rabbit planet.

"General Hux!" said Captain Canady.

"Yes?" questioned Hux.

"It appears Peter Rabbit has made a clone army," Captain Canady responded.

"Lawd have mercy! We must prepare for an attack!" said Hux.

"Will do," said Captain Canady.

"Prepare my shuttle. I must destroy these clones!" Hux yelled at Captain Canady . It took thirty minutes for the ship to be ready, so Hux went up to the nearest stormtrooper.

"Tell Kylo Ren that I'm going to that carrot planet to go deal with some vermin," Hux ordered. He arrived at the planet and immediately heard the song 'When life gives me lemons I make lemonade' and Peter, Benjamin, Flopsy, Mopsy, and Cotton-Tail were all doing the conga.

"That's it," Hux said as he grabbed Cotton-Tail, "This is what happens when you make a McGregor look foolish, why am I talking to wildlife?"

"Let me go!" yelled Cotton-Tail.

"Wait, you sound just like that scavenger!" said Hux.

"I have no idea who that is," she said as she kicked him in the face.

"Ouch!" yelped Hux. He went to go run after her when he was suddenly surrounded by the clone army.

"Stay back vermin," he growled.

"He has got to go," said Peter. He then opened a can of whoop tushie and Hux flew all the way back to his ship. He then flew his ship back to the star destroyer.

"Those rabbits have got to go!" yelped Hux, "When will the laser be ready?"

"In 5,641 jiffies, sir" responded Captain Canady .

"But that's six whole days!" gasped Hux, "Then fetch me explosives instead so I can exterminate those rats"

"Right away, Hux," Captain Canady said as Hux left. Hux then went to check on Bea in his room. When he got there, Bea was weeping.

"And so we advance to Endgame. Go see Endgame in your local movie theatre. What's wrong?" Hux said concerned.

"Oh nothing. It's just that I miss those sweet rabbits. I hope they're okay lining all alone on that planet," spoke Bea.

"Oh, they're definitely not alone," said Hux.

"What do you mean by that?" she chuckled.

"...Oh, because they have each other, of course," he said hesitantly.

"So what made you drop by?" Bea questioned.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing. It's been a long day commanding and I just wanted to see you," said Hux.

"Aww, how sweet of you! How about I whip up a pie for you?" said Bea.

"Rabbit pie?" Hux said excited.

"Goodness no!" she gasped, "I meant carrot pie. I can just visit my beloved rabbits and borrow some carrots," she said with a smile on her face.

"NO! I'm not really hungry anyway," he said quickly.

"Are you sure?" Bea questioned.

"Are you accusing me of taradiddling?" Hux asked.

"No" she said.

"Clean, sturdy, functional, and quite beautiful" said Hux. Bea looked flattered when she thought he was talking about her. "Oh I meant the blaster"

"Oh I thought you were saying I was beautiful" said Bea.

"I wouldn't say that. Oh I would say that, because I'm hilarious and whimsical" said Hux.

"Well I have spent all day on my paintings and I am tired, so I'm going to bed," Bea said while walking in the direction of her bedroom.

"Okay, I think I'll hit the hay as well," Hux said while yawning and they both went to bed. At three in the morning, Hux woke up to get some water and heard the faint sound of a missile in the distance.

"Rats! Those putrid rabbits!" he said as he walked to his command post and it was chaos! Red lights flashing about.

"What the heck is going on?" Hux questioned.

"Those rabbits seem to be launching carrot shaped missiles that are also launching blackberries!" yelled Captain Canady . Hux then angrily stomped away and bumped right into Kylo Ren.

"Kylo Ren, why are you wearing a Rey footsie pajama?" Hux asked.

"...Um. What I do in my free time is none of your business. What's going on anyway?" Kylo Ren asked.

"The rabbit planet is attacking," Hux responded.

"Good lord, I'm going back to bed," Kylo Ren said as he was walking away. Hux ran to the armory to look for some explosives to use against the rabbits. He looked in a wooden barrel and it was full of dynamite and a detonator right on top. He rolled the barrel out of the armory and told the nearest stormtrooper to have the barrel be put in his ship.

"I'm not going to let the vermin make me look foolish" Hux said as he waited for the ship to be ready.

"Hux!" Captain Canady said as he busted in the door with a carrot battering ram, "The laser is ready! It was just completed moments ago" said Captain Canady.

"There's just one thing I have to do before you obliterate the planet. Go fetch me a giant mirror" Hux said while walking away. When a stormtrooper brought him the mirror, Hux told him to load it in his ship. Hux went back to his apartment to get his binoculars. He knocked on the door of June Hagords, and gave her the binoculars.

"You're about to witness Harrods' downfall" Hux said with confidence. He hurried off to his ship and flew off to the rabbit planet.

"Hello, rabbits" Hux scowled. The rabbit clones just squinted at him. "I brought you a gift" he said while gesturing towards the big mirror with a bow on it. The rabbit clones were so happy.

"Well, I have to go now. Bye!" Hux said while walking to his ship. He got back to the laser and told commander Kennedy that he may proceed to obliterate the planet. Hux stood near Harrods to witness the rabbits and their clones die. The laser was getting fired up when Hux said "And... ZAP. Zap Zap Zap Zap!"

"I get to die first because I'm the oldest!" said Mopsy. And then the carrot planet was obliterated. But then the laser hit the mirror right before the planet was destroyed and it traveled back to the starkiller bea and almost destroyed the laser source when it took an immediate 90 left turn and reduced Harrods to a pile of rubble as Hagord witnessed with her binoculars.

"Ha Ha! I finally got to witness Harrods' downfall! How does it feel, Hagord?" Hux celebrated. Just at that very moment, a carrot shaped ship flew up next to him and the five rabbits all jumped out.

"Sup, Mcgregor" said Peter.

Rabbits. Rabbits. Rabbits. Rabbits. Rabbits. Rabbits. Rabbits.


End file.
